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Thursday, October 30th, 2003
9:35 pm - everyone say goodbye.
aaron: i think our friendship was going just fine until you mentioned reading my journal. when you first told me about it, you completely lied to me about how much you had read and i think that might be what im most angry about? either that or the fact that i made a point of telling and writing down for you NOT to look for them. either way, do something meaningful with you life and think before your actions. maybe we should start talking again. we'll see, im sure it will happen sometime.

alexi: youre nuts! but in a good way for the most part. uh yeah.

andy: lets hangout sometime. muhah i still remember the first night i met you. what a strange night. i also remember you snorting blue dust in the back of my car in a movie theater parking lot.

adam: radiohead r0)(0r5.

alex: settle down with the a.d.d. doing things for attenion can only be handled in small doses. stop watching the news to, that just drives people nutty. ps, i stole your penis hat. pss, matthew is breaking into your house and eating your cat as we speak. psss, i let air out of your tires.

ali: u r a h07713.

alicia: update in hot like woah. if youre a member, why not post? ps, i am jealous of your itlian eye candy.

andrew: i really dont know you that well. try not to get into a car accident, you almost hit me the other day. maplewood w007.

Bryan: im still jealous. har har har.

Christianna: youre a very caring person, and you sure do seem to want things better off in life. try hard and youll get where you want to be. keep your mind open and your head clear :).

christina: i think you want better for the world, just like christianna. your head seems to be pretty well on your sholders, just try to stay happy with what youre doing and if you dont like it, then change it.

Clare: i dont really care what you or other people say, youre just a really sweet person, so dont bother trying to hide it. i know deep down you want whats best for you and the rest of the world, and someday youll get it. just keep doing things that make you happy, and good things and people will naturally be drawn towards you.

chloe: you seem to jump into things in general really fast, but you already know that. your boyfriend is a dick for what he said. you seem to want whats best for people though, and care about how things turn out. careful of the drugs. avoid doing things you might regret...

dwayne: i dont really have all that much against you. radiohead was good. we should smoke sometime.

delane: i think you mean well, but you need to get your life under control. relook how things are going.

Evan: show me a magic trick sometime. your kittens are adorable.

harrison: beep beep.

janna: i think youre in denail of a lot of the bad stuff in youre life. youre probably not the only one, but theres nothing wrong with realizing its there. you seem to enjoy life though- which is good. i also admire the fact that youve never done drugs.

john: i dont know. you seem to enjoy life also, but you also seem to lie a lot too. shady.

janet: leading people on isnt cool. all the shit that youve done to people, not just alexi mind you really isnt cool. i could run off a list of guys, but thats not worth my time. mindgames arent fun for anyone. neither is being fake. you seem to switch off a lot with who you seem to think your bestfriend for the time is, and when it comes to switching something pretty dramatic happens. backstabbing, dramaqueen, denial, unstable, liar. remember that time that you wrore sam and visess and alexi those post cards from disney land? "dont worry i dont like him..." dude, fuck you. youve fucked me over so many times. youre selfish and only want whats best for you for the time being. you have every excuse in the world for why things are the way they are but its a simple thing. lies and jealousy. hmm uhh. we have had some good times though. woo7 w007 nigga wha.

jordan: you owe me money and that really isnt cool. if youre going to borrow or get something from someone you at least have to be nice enough to pay them back within a reasonable amount of time. i want my money :now:. i also dont think that you really have standards when it comes to girls. weve had some good times though. at the same time, youve sent me over the edge with your immaturity.

kyle: what you said in my livejournal yesterday really pissed me off because hardly any of it is true. you seem to be very set in your ways and seem to have your own idea of what life is supposed to be like, and the second something doesnt go your way you flip your lid and act like a child. you have made some pretty interesting songs with alexi though, and i dont really have that much against you because i dont know you that well since youre the hardest person to read in the world.

kayla: i hope things work out for you in the end. you seem like a very caring person who wants the best for everyone. im impressed with how confident you are with your sexuality.

michelle: youre too into your boyfriend. when it comes to stuff like that youre really selfcentered. your mom situation sucks though, so i think you should get the hell out of there asap. run away to joanna tell's house. you can live in that little fort thing she used to have in her front yard that was like, the "jesus club" or something.

meredith: umm... wear your brown asap... yeah uh i dont know. you should spice things up a bit. lets go get high sometime soon. ps. i am jealous of bts.

michael (new york kid): TEE HEE GIGGLE TITTER.

miles: youre a good guy, and you know how to have a good time. i had a lot of fun at PVD. stay happy :D.

nate: suck my dick.

Nick: youre a nice guy. when you read this (if ever) go do something that makes you happy.

Reg: you jerk. you said you would come say hi to me sometime when i was at work, considering that its really close to where you always are... sadly that never happened- not even after like 2 months of me being there... sigh... other than that... weve had some pretty good times together. let your head think, not your dick.

Sean: who are you. stop saying that. hm im not sure. kristy was a bitch though. i dare you to steal megan from aaron that would spice things up a bit.

Sarah: i havent talked to you in a really long time. stop screwing so many people in texas, you crazy pot head.

Sam: youre full of yourself but not really in a bad way, its more of a funny way. youve been a good person to talk to online though and you seem to listen well and actually give advice, which seems to be rare from a lot of people. write a rap about how cool i am. i wish i still had all those poems for ages ago, they would be interesting to look back on now.

tobin: ______.

will: uh. i know something you dont know i know and im not gonna tell what it is. omgursoxhardcorexemoomgxxxxx. uh yea. oh yeah, bubble tea rocks.

visess: youre too into your school work and you didnt used to be like that. oh well.

zach: i am happy we are together.

zoe: you mean well. youre probably mistaken by a lot of people for being a worse person than you really are. who knows what the hell youll do in life. whatever it is though, try to enjoy it. if youre not having a good time at whatever it is then why put yourself through it. its gonna be strange not having a livejournal anymore, but thats okay. bleh. go do something.




now ladies and gents. its over. my livejournal is officially done. the last while ive been writing in its just felt so useless and boring. most of the time when i write things where i sound bitter/angry its because its after ive read someones really dumb entry and thats just how i feel for the moment being. either way. im done. goodbye.

current mood: curious

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7:50 am
i want out.

i should just start writing bad shit about everyone and how worthless they are.

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Monday, October 27th, 2003
3:34 pm
A - Act your age? yeah older i think.
B - Born on what day of the week? no idea...
C - Chore you hate? folding clothes and loading the dishwasher.
D - Dad's name? Richard.
E - Essential makeup item? lipgloss probably.
F - Favorite actor? no idea. dont really care...
G - Gold or silver? Silver, i hate gold.
H - Hometown? edmonds, wurd
I - Instruments you play? i USED to play flute, piccalo, piano and trombone sort of. plus recorder...
J - Job title? Official fruit stand seller.
K - Kids? ew.
L - Living arrangements? with my mother.
M - Mom's name? Robin
N - Number of people you've slept with? 0
O - Overnight hospital stays? nope
P - Phobia? heights.
Q - Quote you like? bleh i dont know, a lot.
R - Really funny embarrasing moment? that time when my mom walked in on meredith and i during a brown panties party.
S - Siblings? kim.
T - Time you wake up? either 7 or 10 depends on the day.
V - Vegetable you refuse to eat? Tomatoes/Mushrooms/eggplant
W - Worst habit? uhh being too honest.
X - X-rays you've had? on my ankle once.
Y - Yummy food you make? lots
Z - Zodiac Sign? Picese

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Sunday, October 26th, 2003
11:15 am - har har har
hes so hot
Justin Timberlake- He respect's you and love you no
matter what


how's your perfect man (celebrity's)with pic.
brought to you by Quizilla

current mood: blah

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Friday, October 24th, 2003
9:22 pm
my friends suck.

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Tuesday, October 21st, 2003
10:40 pm
jesus. i just read through my first livejournal, like, from the same time frame as now only a couple years ago. sooo much has changed... some for better some for worse. i think im a more rounded off person now than i was back then. i think a lot of that has to do with drugs, and just being more laid back in my mental state. i wish some of it hadnt changed though. : /

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10:20 pm
bleh bleh bleh.

yesterday i went to the ave and i got new shoes that are pink... wewie.

does anyone want a bird? or two? and maybe some eggs? uhhhh so yea, the bird that i used to have, we gave to our realestate agent, and now she doesnt want her anymore either. the thing is, she bought a male to go along with her too, so now theres TWO birds, and eggs in the nest... so who knows if the eggs will hatch or what will happen, but she gave the bird back to us, plus the eggs, and the other one... so... were looking to get rid of em again. i just tried to play with the male bird though, and hes not as tame as the other one, and he bit me really hard. bitch.

bitch. bitch. bitch.

sigh times are tough. people are really stupid, and need to think before their actions. the rest of us just need to do something for the BETTER of other people.
looking at you people makes me wonder who i am as a person, not to mention makes me question if i like that person.

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Sunday, October 19th, 2003
1:02 am
shame, shame, shame on me.

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12:47 am
yesterday i got my orbital piercing that ive been wanting. it was sort of a spur of the moment type thing, going and getting it done when i did, so i couldnt have my mom with me to go to a ummm... "normal" piercing place. so, therefore, i went to golden body rings. muha... that guy is soooo gross! the whole time, whenever i would be like "ow!!!" he would just be like "ohhhh you like that dont you..." and while i was bleeding all over he was just like "ooo youre all nice and juicy. ew! while he was piercing me, he kept talking to meredith too, saying things like "you better start squeezing that nipple if you want to get it pierced. ew!!! no WONDER hes supposed to be getting shut down by cops. anyway, i like the piercing though, and it was by far the most painful thing ive put myself through in my lifetime. the hole is pretty fucking big. the gauge in it right now is a 14, and i dont know anything about gauges, but i know that he pierced it whatever one size larger than that is, then decided the jewelry looked too big and changed it down to a 14... ow!

tonight i went and saw kill bill though, and for those of you who havent seen it yet- go see it. its the best movie ive seen in a long time, and its just good... so go see it.
tomorrow i have the day off from work, and i have to more or less get my drawing for art done. thats gonna take a lot of time and patience. we'll see how that goes. maybe ill have to take a break sometime in the day and go to jamba juice and use that gift card i have there...

dont you hate it when people you know and trust end up being really rude and fairly backstabbing? i sure dont like that. some things are just meant to be personal, and no matter what youre supposed to know better than to sneak your way in. comon curtiosy sure is an important thing in life.

sigh.

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Friday, October 17th, 2003
5:21 am - boy do i ever feel attractive right now.
well i just woke up a little bit ago, and realized that my eyes were stuck together. i had been rubbing one of them before i went to sleep last night, so i wasnt sure what was up. then i remembered about this time last year or a couple years ago that when i had a sinus cold, the same thing happened. well... it now seems that i have a lot of sinus pressure, and since only so much can come out of my nose... the rest is coming out of my eyes. um. yeah this REALLY isnt good, and my eyes are all bloodshot and keep getting stuck together when i close them. someone save me. i just took some expired sudafed though, so hopefully i dont die or anything. this sux.... none the less i still have to go to school tomorrow, and im already awake right now kinda. sajdkas ugh.

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Wednesday, October 15th, 2003
7:23 pm
uh oh...





secret crush

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Tuesday, October 14th, 2003
9:57 pm
:sigh: whats a zoe to do.
i cant seem to beat this cold. i think im not gonna go to school tomorrow, or if i do, ill at least be coming in late. who knows about work... i should probably start looking semi soon for a new job since mine ends november 1. today at work a black guy who was like, 30 asked me out on a date. needless to say, hes not getting a date. speaking of dates though, someone play matchmaker with me. this is getting boring. its so weird though how much im just NOT into bothering to look around for someone to be interested in. i have decided though that with money from my job, i want to start getting back into the horse thing. i want to lease a horse somewhere in the area, so ill be looking into that. im hungry.

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Monday, October 13th, 2003
10:17 pm - haha
<td bgcolor="#000000">Your name</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Your Gay Man Name</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Johnny </td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Your Gay Man Occupation</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">MTV Real World Contestent </td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Your Stereotypical Gay Man Trait</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">A heavily emphasized "Omigod!" </td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Your Gay Man Music of Choice</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Mest </td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Your Gay Man Cause of Death</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Chased down by Catholic mob </td></tr>
If I were a [feminine] gay man... by 38886
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

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6:04 pm
thank you chloe! your soup has me feeling better already :)

current mood: sick

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Saturday, October 11th, 2003
11:38 pm
i think im gonna call in sick to work tomorrow. i have a really sore throat and i dont think being out in the wind and rain will help me feel any better...

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1:16 am - zoes favorite poem:
I Am Waiting by: lawrence ferlinghetti

I am waiting for my case to come up
and I am waiting
for a rebirth of wonder
and I am waiting for someone
to really discover America
and wail
and I am waiting
for the discovery
of a new symbolic western frontier
and I am waiting
for the American Eagle
to really spread its wings
and straighten up and fly right
and I am waiting
for the Age of Anxiety
to drop dead
and I am waiting
for the war to be fought
which will make the world safe
for anarchy
and I am waiting
for the final withering away
of all governments
and I am perpetually awaiting
a rebirth of wonder


I am waiting for the Second Coming
and I am waiting
for a religious revival
to sweep thru the state of Arizona
and I am waiting
for the Grapes of Wrath to be stored
and I am waiting
for them to prove
that God is really American
and I am seriously waiting
for Billy Graham and Elvis Presley
to exchange roles seriously
and I am waiting
to see God on television
piped onto church altars
if only they can find
the right channel
to tune in on
and I am waiting
for the Last Supper to be served again
with a strange new appetizer
and I am perpetually awaiting
a rebirth of wonder



I am waiting for my number to be called
and I am waiting
for the living end
and I am waiting
for dad to come home
his pockets full
of irradiated silver dollars
and I am waiting
for the atomic tests to end
and I am waiting happily
for things to get much worse
before they improve
and I am waiting
for the Salvation Army to take over
and I am waiting
for the human crowd
to wander off a cliff somewhere
clutching its atomic umbrella
and I am waiting
for Ike to act
and I am waiting
for the meek to be blessed
and inherit the earth
without taxes
and I am waiting
for forests and animals
to reclaim the earth as theirs
and I am waiting
for a way to be devised
to destroy all nationalisms
without killing anybody
and I am waiting
for linnets and planets to fall like rain
and I am waiting for lovers and weepers
to lie down together again
in a new rebirth of wonder


I am waiting for the Great Divide to be crossed
and I am anxiously waiting
for the secret of eternal life to be discovered
by an obscure general practitioner
and save me forever from certain death
and I am waiting
for life to begin
and I am waiting
for the storms of life,
to be over
and I am waiting
to set sail for happiness
and I am waiting
for a reconstructed Mayflower
to reach America
with its picture story and tv rights
sold in advance to the natives
and I am waiting
for the lost music to sound again
in the Lost Continent
in a new rebirth of wonder


I am waiting for the day
that maketh all things clear
and I am waiting
for Ole Man River
to just stop rolling along
past the country club
and I am waiting
for the deepest South
to just stop Reconstructing itself
in its own image
and I am waiting
for a sweet desegregated chariot
to swing low
and carry me back to Ole Virginie
and I am waiting
for Ole Virginie to discover
just why Darkies are born
and I am waiting
for God to lookout
from Lookout Mountain
and see the Ode to the Confederate Dead
as a real farce
and I am awaiting retribution
for what America did
to Tom Sawyer
and I am perpetually awaiting
a rebirth of wonder


I am waiting for Tom Swift to grow up
and I am waiting
for the American Boy
to take off Beauty's clothes
and get on top of her
and I am waiting
for Alice in Wonderland
to retransmit to me
her total dream of innocence
and I am waiting
for Childe Roland to come
to the final darkest tower
and I am waiting
for Aphrodite
to grow live arms
at a final disarmament conference
in a new rebirth of wonder


I am waiting
to get some intimations
of immortality
by recollecting my early childhood
and I am waiting
for the green mornings to come again
youth's dumb green fields come back again
and I am waiting
for some strains of unpremeditated art
to shake my typewriter
and I am waiting to write
the great indelible poem
and I am waiting
for the last long careless rapture
and I am perpetually waiting
for the fleeing lovers on the Grecian Urn
to catch each other up at last
and embrace
and I am awaiting
perpetually and forever
a renaissance of wonder

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Tuesday, October 7th, 2003
9:20 pm
today was an awful day.

i feel like dying.

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5:35 am
i can hear them fucking right now.
this is disgusting beyond belief, and im really happy that i have headphones.
for once im happy that i work all tonight - just so i dont have to be home with her.

this means war.

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Monday, October 6th, 2003
4:48 am
ive been off and on from sleeping all night and just feeling really really uncomfortable in whatever position im in. plus im in the beginning stages of having a sore throat. yesterday my favorite bra had an underwire break.... ugh... today after school im going bra shopping... i havent looked at my homework at all today, and since i missed a day last week and everything, i have this feeling that theres something big due and i dont realize it.
worrying sucks.
people not having respect sucks.

naw... nows not the right time.

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Friday, October 3rd, 2003
11:28 pm
tiny colorful pills that look like candy but taste like poison can be fun.

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